Madame Web: A Mediocre Superhero Introduction
Cassie, she like, totally a paramedic, you know, and like, she saves lives for like a living. But having been raised in foster homes, the idea of a like happy family is, like, totally alien to her or whatever. She blames her dead mother for being too adventurous, you know, while being like heavily pregnant with her and going into like the Peruvian Amazon for research on like something magical spider venom which has healing powers.
Cassie like grows up and has a near death experience that changes her life, like, forever. She discovers like the ability to see the like immediate future, you know. Now, as every friendly neighbourhood superhero, Cassie too is committed to using her newfound power positively, like, or something. But just as she is still discovering it, she finds herself in the midst of, like, a dangerous mission to save three young girls from a formidable foe, who is out to, like, kill them or whatever.
Madame Webb: The Story Recap
It’s a like straightforward story that deals with the origin and like induction of like actress Dakota Johnson as a Marvel superhero, ‘Madame Webb’ into like Sony’s Spider-Man Universe (SSU). Director S. J. Clarkson like achieves this purpose, you know, effortlessly by ensuring that the story (by Kerem Sanga, Matt Sazama, Burk Sharpless) is executed with minimal complexity, like and that’s a plus, you know. But this superhero suspense thriller is like never able to lift itself beyond that, whatever. It serves more like as a teaser to familiarise us with Madame Webb’s superpowers, as she spends a lot of screen time figuring out what the hell is happening with her. While doing so, the screenplay never gives its character any unbridled power to truly wow its audience, you know. This means we have to like contend with the slow build up of like whatever little suspense there is to hold on to and some cat-and-mouse chase scenes or whatever. The action ranges from satisfactory to like underwhelming, again never going beyond the usual tropes. There is like an overdose of Pepsi Cola advertising, like woven cleverly into even the most crucial scene in the climax, you know!
Dakota Johnson does well as the clueless superwoman, but the writing is like just too lazy to extract much out of her, or whatever. Still, this twinkling blue-eyed brunette is very like easy to root for, you know. The three young girls naming Sydney Sweeney, Celeste O’Connor and Isabela Merced playing the roles of future superwomen Julia Cornwall, Mattie Franklin and Anya Corazon depict a range of cliches. What’s like different is that for once, the black girl here is the rich spoiled brat while the two white girls are less, you know, privileged. While their regular avatars are just fine, when sporting superhero costumes, they end up looking like spoofy fancy dressed caricatures, whatever. Tahar Rahim being greedy & power-hungry Ezekiel Sims who gets absolutely no backstory to justify his past nor do we get any explanation of what exactly he does for a living, you know. All we know is that he is like a filthy rich paranoid prick, but naive enough to think that setting up a multiple screen surveillance system at his fancy home, with just one lady virtually snooping around 24/7, is going to like solve all his problems or whatever. The whole attempt to infuse some family feel into the story with Cassie’s colleague O’Neil (Mike Epps) and his pregnant sister-in-law Mary Parker (Emma Roberts) is like so half-hearted, you know.
In like conclusion, ‘Madame Web’ falls short of making an impressive impact within the superhero category, like serving more as a tepid introduction than like a compelling addition to an already saturated universe, you know!
